It’s Time to change…. the Attitude !!!!

Let your mind travel places, do you still see the same world where women had to hid behind veils and kitchen & chores were their lifetime thankless job??

Decades have passed, women have changed today to believe they too are equal beings... but has the patriarchal society accepted this?? 

There are innumerable atrocities on women that we come across almost every day, through any medium, that leave us horrified…. Girl abducted in a car, raped and dumped… minor girl abused and molested…  The word rape has become as common today as inflation. No sensitivity attached. The word is blurted out with utmost ease. Think of the woman who has faced it; think of the kind of humiliation and low self-esteem she had just felt. But wait… there are many people out there who are even worse… Having said that, let me share with you an episode, which gave me a glimpse of how men (some but still a big proportion of our society) see women….

Sitting through an engagement party, sipping from my glass of juice, noticing the environment around - exactly the way it is in typical Delhi weddings - women cluster together discussing clothes, jewellery and the beauty packages available in the leading beauty clinics.  And on the other side of the hall, were the men... spread like kings..... and discussing everything from cars, stock market to scams and politics.

I, being an introvert in this kind of surrounding, was quietly sitting in one comfortable corner, shifting my focus to the two types of conversations of the ladies group and the men group. It was great to see the expression on the groom’s mother describing her daughter in law as a combination of traditional and modern…. The other side focus was on Anna Hazare and Elections.. I was enjoying it all, infact some discussions I wanted to be a part of but restrained not wanting to interrupt. Then the men went on taking a dig in the Delhi’s law and order situation and how unsafe the city has become.

I got distracted by the mother-in-law statement saying she admires Vidya Balan and would be wearing a red sari on the wedding day. I was pleasantly surprised, since these days when even brides are opting for lighter shades she would be dressed in blood red saree, though she of course was quite pretty and looked young! Shifting my attention back to the other side of the hall, where the host (the father in law) stood up to fill his glass of drink and said "Rape? what rape? Eh, are you talking about that Dhaula Kuan case? come on!"

(Just to remind, The incident happened in December 2010, a 30 year old call centre employee from north east india, was dropped to her place near Dhaula Kuan around mid night by her company cab, when she was abducted by 2-3 men, gang raped and abandoned at another place.  The whole city was under shock for many months due to this incident. It was then, when the guidelines were made for the BPO employers to safeguard the women employees who work at night shifts.)

The host continued - " What rape? it is not rape....these girls are like that only.... they roam around with men....sleep around with them.....and now when someone has done it... they shout saying ‘he raped me’... what rape? is it rape for them? shehhh! " Half of the men there rhymed.... "oh that is not rape... they ask for it... these chinki girls"..... and the rest half were mute, who somewhere didn’t agree but chose to be quiet.

Then another man, proud on his awareness said, "and that Jessica case.... did you all see that movie… who was she to refuse a drink? she....selling alcohol to men in parties at night... and then says 'No' to give a drink..... obviously the boy will get angry?.... so what... after all...he was a man… why would he take rejection from such a girl ". God saved them and the topic was changed quickly...... coz I was loosing my cool and really wanted to intervene.... I so wanted to.... was forcing myself to kept quiet since I was a guest there.

Ladies were still buzy with their women topics, and I was observing the contrast..... noticing the irony of the situation. So ignorant was the lady of how her husband thought about women in general and she goes on talking about her beauty and home decorations..... and here I sat quite aware of both the sides, yet sitting over the issue, gulping down the juice in my glass, as if swallowing the insult to my womanhood poured in the form of that drink.

It’s such a pity, that we live with such ignorance and with such a big facade??

But, the one thing that really disturbs is that, there is a big chunk of our society which feels that a girl invites rape by her dress and conduct.... there is a section of the society which feels a man should not be blamed, if it's the girl who has titillated his senses... by wearing deep necklines or short dresses... then he is only a man... and it's not his fault if the woman is so tempting. Is it a 'thing' that they see tempting and want … Helloooo, its time to grow up, see outside, today girls can beat you hollow, if they want, in any field.

Are there only bystanders in the name of men who are walking the streets of India? Seeing all this, I pray to God to invent a breed of real men now, who are not just men biologically but are men in the true spirit of the word. New age and new India needs them. We need a makeover people. It’s time to change the attitude, the mindset!

** Post done exclusively for Stayfree Time to Change Contest. 
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